ARE YOU SERIOUS?(Sex Education in the Home)
Hello everyone! Tonight I would like to encourage all parents to provide your children with the “birds and bees” discussion in the privacy of your own home, so I don’t have to.
I recently had a ten year old in my office with his mother for a physical. I am required to perform various aspects of the exam which I am comfortable with. After the physical exam, family history and social history, a section of questions which are age-group specific are expected to be addressed (which sincerely makes me wonder just who,exactly, is writing these physical forms?) On this particular day, this darling little child and his benignly assenting mama who is nodding her head in the affirmative (‘you go girl!’), push me into the following uncharted territory, for which there appears no escape. The conversation goes something like this:
ME: So now, this paper says I’m supposed to ask you some questions. The first question is: do you have any questions about sex? (Mom is shaking her head yes at me, and I’m sure I see a smirk on her face).
Kid: (very solemn)Yes. What is it?
Me: Sex is what happens when you are thirty and you want to get married and have a baby. (Whew! I escaped that one.)
Kid: I want to get married and have a baby, but how do I have sex? (Mom’s still smiling and I swear I see a smirk lingering).
Me: Remember when we talked about your penis earlier? (I’m stalling…..) You put your penis in your wife’s vagina….
Kid: What’s a vagina? (Mom is trying not to burst out laughing, I think I’m glaring at her).
Me: A vagina is a lady part that looks different than a penis. OK! NEXT question: Do you have any questions about birth control?
Kid: Yes. What is it? (Mom is out of child’s line of vision and her face is red trying to suppress her laughter).
Me: Birth control is something you use to keep from making babies when you have sex. (Somehow I know I will not get away with this answer….waiting…)
Kid: Yes, but what is it?
Me: Well, like a condom.
Kid: What’s that?
Me: Well it’s kind of like a balloon…
Kid: A balloon? Do they come in different colors?
Me: ( I really want to whip this mom). Yes, they come in colors.
Kid: Well, how do I use it though? (Oh, Man!)
Me: You pull it onto your penis. (Now, we’ve already been through his physical exam, and he’s 10 years old, but I can see him thinking..)
Kid: (as he casually stares down into his lap then looks up at me)~”Do they come in different sizes?”
Little children. There’s no reason for them to be humble, but they are. They are acquiring knowledge all the time on their road to being a big person. Everything’s important. Even the questions on a physical.
But for GOD’s sake! Talk to your kids at home about this stuff! (So I don’t have to, please!)